I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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