You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
