i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
