Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
