The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
