I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
