I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
