woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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