Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
