Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Drake has all the answers
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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