just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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