I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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