Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Randomize
