you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
