I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
