I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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