threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
