She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
