first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
