i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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