all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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