I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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