Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
