I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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