Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
