I just saw a hot homeless man
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
