Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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