I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
