mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
