You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
