I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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