i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't turn off my feet"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
