so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
