I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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