I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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