your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
