my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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