I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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