I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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