I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
