so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
