its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
