I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
