there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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