Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
