if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pants are for mortals
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
