As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
