tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
