i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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