I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
